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Parenting Oppositional Defiant Children and Teens: How to Pick Your Battles

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What's often tricky in parenting a defiant youngster is figuring out the "is this worth fighting for?" part – especially if you have to think fast. Defiant kids and teens often make a “game” out of getting into battles with their moms and dads, and if the parent gets tricked into playing this game, she finds herself in an endless stream of warfare. So, how can you avoid fighting every battle and save your time and energy for the ones worth fighting for? Here are some important tips for knowing which battles to fight – and which ones to let go of: 1. Ask yourself, “Will this battle fight itself?” There are some things that will get addressed by default – and you can stay totally out of it (which saves you from being the “bad guy”). For example, you may be tempted to continue to battle with your defiant child over his poor teeth-brushing habits, even when the two of you have had many past battles over this issue to no avail. Instead, give a final warning: “If yo...

Is it possible that marital discord causes Oppositional Defiant Disorder in some cases?

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The short answer is ‘no’ – it doesn’t cause Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), but it is definitely a contributing factor. Much of the research to date addresses the influence of parents’ attitudes and actions on the behavior of their kids. Studies have consistently shown a strong correlation between marital dissatisfaction and overt marital conflict and kid’s oppositional defiant behavior. Studies have examined numerous explanations for these findings. One such explanation was that dysfunctional marital relationships lead to dysfunctional parenting practices. Marital conflict has been positively linked with callous disciplinary practices used by moms and dads, lower levels of parental participation, and more recurrent parent-child conflict. Conflicted moms and dads are also less likely to praise their kids, read to them, engage in recreation with them, or spend time with them in relational or social activities. This detachment fuels negative relationships within families. ...